Before the marriage:
He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: NO! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: NO! Why you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Yes!
She: Will you hit me?
He: No way! I'm not such kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
Now after the marriage you can read it from below to up !!!!
Mginger
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Monday, May 28, 2007
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Eight new Tax Return Forms
The Income Tax department has come out with eight new tax return forms. Of these, the ITR-1 (Income tax returns-1) and ITR-2 (Income tax returns-2) forms are most relevant for salaried individuals.
These two forms have come into effect from May 14, 2007, for filing tax returns for the financial year 2006-07.
ITR-1 is applicable to those individuals who have earned only salary and interest income during the financial year. ITR-2 is applicable to those who have other types of non-business incomes, such as income from house property, capital gains, etc.
Note: Those individuals claiming deduction on interest on housing loans would be required to file ITR-2 only.
Neither of the forms require the taxpayers to prepare the controversial cash flow statement (a statement of your income and expenditure for a year). The new forms have been made annexure free. What this means is you are not required to attach any documents to the tax return. Not even Form 16!
You will have the following options to file your tax returns:
Online filing of returns by those who have a digital signature. Such taxpayers will not be required to file a paper return.
Online filing of returns by those who do not have a digital signature. Such taxpayers will be required to submit a one-page duly signed verification form, Form ITR V, with the concerned income tax office.
Manual filing of paper return form.
Manual filing of bar coded return form.
Now, let's look at the important features of the ITR-1 and ITR-2 forms.
ITR-1
ITR-1 is relatively simpler and similar to the Saral Form, the Form 2D. Two versions of ITR-1 have been introduced. One is two-pager and the other is a three-pager. The only difference between these two versions is the latter is more spacious than former. Content-wise, both versions are identical.
Why you must file a tax return
Since you do not have to attach Form 16 to the tax return form, you will need to fill in certain details that appear in your Form 16 here.
One important aspect of the new form is that taxpayers are required to mention the amount of certain types of high value transactions carried out by them. These transactions are already being reported to the tax authorities through Annual Information Return filed by various agencies such as banks, credit card companies, mutual funds, RBI, property registrars, etc.
This section should be carefully filled in. Incorrect reporting of such transactions may trigger scrutiny of your tax return by the Income Tax department.
Under this section, the taxpayers are required to mention the transaction amount of the following:
Nature and value of transaction
Remarks
Cash deposits totalling Rs 10 lakhs or more in a year in any savings account.
The important point here is that this clause is applicable if the total of all cash deposits during the financial year in a saving account is Rs 10 lakh or more.
Payments totalling Rs 2 lakhs or more in the year made against bills raised in respect of a credit card.
The important point here is that this clause is applicable if the total of all payments during the year for a credit card is Rs 2 lakh or more.
Let me explain: if you have used three credit cards during the FY 2006-07 and you pay a total of Rs. 1.9 lakhs against the first credit card, Rs. 1.4 lakhs against the second credit card and Rs 50,000 against the third credit card, then you need not report anything since you did not pay Rs 2 lakhs or more against a single credit card.
However, in FY 2006-07, if you pay total Rs 2.2 lakhs against the first credit card, Rs 2.7 lakhs against the second credit card and Rs 1 lakh against 3rd credit card, then you need to mention an amount of Rs 4.9 lakhs under this item. This is the total amount of payments against those credit cards whose total payment is Rs 2 lacs or more!
Payment of Rs 2 lakhs or more for acquiring units of a mutual fund.
This clause is applicable only if the amount of a single payment towards acquiring units of a fund is Rs 2 lakh or more.
Payment of Rs 5 lakhs or more for acquiring bonds or debentures issued by a company or an institution.
This clause is applicable only if the amount of a single payment towards acquiring bonds or debentures of a company is Rs 5 lakh or more.
Payment of Rs 1 lakh or more for acquiring shares issued by a company.
This clause is applicable only if the amount of a single payment towards acquiring shares issued by a company is Rs 1 lakh or more. This would cover payment of Rs 1 lakh or more made for IPO application or for obtaining shares under ESOP scheme.
Purchase property valued at Rs 30 lakhs or more.
This clause is applicable only if the value, as considered by registration authorities at the time of purchase, of any immovable property bought by the taxpayer is Rs 30 lakh or more. The clause is not applicable if the transaction value is less than Rs 30 lakh.
Sale of property valued at Rs 30 lakh or more.
This clause is applicable only if the value, as considered by registration authorities at the time of sale, of any immovable property sold by the taxpayer is Rs 30 lakh or more. The clause is not applicable if the transaction value is less than Rs 30 lakhs.
Payment of an amount or amounts aggregating to Rs 5 lakhs or more in a year for bonds issued by the Reserve Bank of India.
This clause is applicable if the aggregate of all payments towards purchase of RBI bonds exceeds Rs 5 lakh in a financial year.
ITR-2
ITR-2 is more comprehensive and seeks more detailed information.
How to get yourself a PAN card!
Some of the important schedules in ITR 2 are:
Schedule S on salary income
This requires the taxpayers to divide their salary income into:
1. Salary (Excluding all allowances, perquisites and profit in lieu of salary)
2. Allowances exempt under Section 10 such as HRA, LTA, conveyance, medical reimbursement, etc.
3. Allowances not exempt such as shift allowance, special allowance, taxable portion of HRA/ LTA, etc.
4. Value of perquisites in the form of rent free accommodation or interest free loans, etc.
5. Profits in lieu of salary
The amount of items 2, 4 and 5 is generally mentioned in the Form 16 itself. However, many taxpayers will have to work out the amounts under items 1 and 3 by themselves. The amount under the first head would include only the basic salary. The amount under the third head would include gross salary as mentioned in Form 16 minus amounts under 1 and 2.
Schedule HP for Income from House Property
Taxpayers are required to mention the full address of each of the properties owned by them. They are also required to mention the name and the PAN (mentioning of tenant's PAN has, however, been kept optional) of the tenant.
Paid more tax? How to claim a refund
A detailed computation statement is required to be filled in for each of the properties owned by the taxpayer. The form enables the taxpayers to fill in the details of upto two residential properties. If a taxpayer owns more than two houses then s/he may have to attach an annexure to provide complete details.
Schedule CYLA for current year losses adjusted
Details of income after set off of current year losses are required to be furnished in a tabular format. For most taxpayers this would apply since the setoff of loss from properties (arising due to interest on housing loan) against salary income has to be shown in this schedule.
Schedule AIR for transactions reported through annual information return
This is the same as what we discussed for ITR-1in the table above.
To summarise
~ What taxpayers would like the most is the fact that the tax returns are annexure free.
~ Enhanced use of technology would help the tax department to find the tax evaders more easily. Honest taxpayers may benefit since tax rates may go down if the compliance level increases.
~ The two-paged ITR-1 is relatively simpler. However, the six-paged ITR-2, which would be applicable to all the individuals owning a house, is relatively complex. Those filing ITR-2 are more likely to seek professional assistance in preparing their tax returns.
These two forms have come into effect from May 14, 2007, for filing tax returns for the financial year 2006-07.
ITR-1 is applicable to those individuals who have earned only salary and interest income during the financial year. ITR-2 is applicable to those who have other types of non-business incomes, such as income from house property, capital gains, etc.
Note: Those individuals claiming deduction on interest on housing loans would be required to file ITR-2 only.
Neither of the forms require the taxpayers to prepare the controversial cash flow statement (a statement of your income and expenditure for a year). The new forms have been made annexure free. What this means is you are not required to attach any documents to the tax return. Not even Form 16!
You will have the following options to file your tax returns:
Online filing of returns by those who have a digital signature. Such taxpayers will not be required to file a paper return.
Online filing of returns by those who do not have a digital signature. Such taxpayers will be required to submit a one-page duly signed verification form, Form ITR V, with the concerned income tax office.
Manual filing of paper return form.
Manual filing of bar coded return form.
Now, let's look at the important features of the ITR-1 and ITR-2 forms.
ITR-1
ITR-1 is relatively simpler and similar to the Saral Form, the Form 2D. Two versions of ITR-1 have been introduced. One is two-pager and the other is a three-pager. The only difference between these two versions is the latter is more spacious than former. Content-wise, both versions are identical.
Why you must file a tax return
Since you do not have to attach Form 16 to the tax return form, you will need to fill in certain details that appear in your Form 16 here.
One important aspect of the new form is that taxpayers are required to mention the amount of certain types of high value transactions carried out by them. These transactions are already being reported to the tax authorities through Annual Information Return filed by various agencies such as banks, credit card companies, mutual funds, RBI, property registrars, etc.
This section should be carefully filled in. Incorrect reporting of such transactions may trigger scrutiny of your tax return by the Income Tax department.
Under this section, the taxpayers are required to mention the transaction amount of the following:
Nature and value of transaction
Remarks
Cash deposits totalling Rs 10 lakhs or more in a year in any savings account.
The important point here is that this clause is applicable if the total of all cash deposits during the financial year in a saving account is Rs 10 lakh or more.
Payments totalling Rs 2 lakhs or more in the year made against bills raised in respect of a credit card.
The important point here is that this clause is applicable if the total of all payments during the year for a credit card is Rs 2 lakh or more.
Let me explain: if you have used three credit cards during the FY 2006-07 and you pay a total of Rs. 1.9 lakhs against the first credit card, Rs. 1.4 lakhs against the second credit card and Rs 50,000 against the third credit card, then you need not report anything since you did not pay Rs 2 lakhs or more against a single credit card.
However, in FY 2006-07, if you pay total Rs 2.2 lakhs against the first credit card, Rs 2.7 lakhs against the second credit card and Rs 1 lakh against 3rd credit card, then you need to mention an amount of Rs 4.9 lakhs under this item. This is the total amount of payments against those credit cards whose total payment is Rs 2 lacs or more!
Payment of Rs 2 lakhs or more for acquiring units of a mutual fund.
This clause is applicable only if the amount of a single payment towards acquiring units of a fund is Rs 2 lakh or more.
Payment of Rs 5 lakhs or more for acquiring bonds or debentures issued by a company or an institution.
This clause is applicable only if the amount of a single payment towards acquiring bonds or debentures of a company is Rs 5 lakh or more.
Payment of Rs 1 lakh or more for acquiring shares issued by a company.
This clause is applicable only if the amount of a single payment towards acquiring shares issued by a company is Rs 1 lakh or more. This would cover payment of Rs 1 lakh or more made for IPO application or for obtaining shares under ESOP scheme.
Purchase property valued at Rs 30 lakhs or more.
This clause is applicable only if the value, as considered by registration authorities at the time of purchase, of any immovable property bought by the taxpayer is Rs 30 lakh or more. The clause is not applicable if the transaction value is less than Rs 30 lakh.
Sale of property valued at Rs 30 lakh or more.
This clause is applicable only if the value, as considered by registration authorities at the time of sale, of any immovable property sold by the taxpayer is Rs 30 lakh or more. The clause is not applicable if the transaction value is less than Rs 30 lakhs.
Payment of an amount or amounts aggregating to Rs 5 lakhs or more in a year for bonds issued by the Reserve Bank of India.
This clause is applicable if the aggregate of all payments towards purchase of RBI bonds exceeds Rs 5 lakh in a financial year.
ITR-2
ITR-2 is more comprehensive and seeks more detailed information.
How to get yourself a PAN card!
Some of the important schedules in ITR 2 are:
Schedule S on salary income
This requires the taxpayers to divide their salary income into:
1. Salary (Excluding all allowances, perquisites and profit in lieu of salary)
2. Allowances exempt under Section 10 such as HRA, LTA, conveyance, medical reimbursement, etc.
3. Allowances not exempt such as shift allowance, special allowance, taxable portion of HRA/ LTA, etc.
4. Value of perquisites in the form of rent free accommodation or interest free loans, etc.
5. Profits in lieu of salary
The amount of items 2, 4 and 5 is generally mentioned in the Form 16 itself. However, many taxpayers will have to work out the amounts under items 1 and 3 by themselves. The amount under the first head would include only the basic salary. The amount under the third head would include gross salary as mentioned in Form 16 minus amounts under 1 and 2.
Schedule HP for Income from House Property
Taxpayers are required to mention the full address of each of the properties owned by them. They are also required to mention the name and the PAN (mentioning of tenant's PAN has, however, been kept optional) of the tenant.
Paid more tax? How to claim a refund
A detailed computation statement is required to be filled in for each of the properties owned by the taxpayer. The form enables the taxpayers to fill in the details of upto two residential properties. If a taxpayer owns more than two houses then s/he may have to attach an annexure to provide complete details.
Schedule CYLA for current year losses adjusted
Details of income after set off of current year losses are required to be furnished in a tabular format. For most taxpayers this would apply since the setoff of loss from properties (arising due to interest on housing loan) against salary income has to be shown in this schedule.
Schedule AIR for transactions reported through annual information return
This is the same as what we discussed for ITR-1in the table above.
To summarise
~ What taxpayers would like the most is the fact that the tax returns are annexure free.
~ Enhanced use of technology would help the tax department to find the tax evaders more easily. Honest taxpayers may benefit since tax rates may go down if the compliance level increases.
~ The two-paged ITR-1 is relatively simpler. However, the six-paged ITR-2, which would be applicable to all the individuals owning a house, is relatively complex. Those filing ITR-2 are more likely to seek professional assistance in preparing their tax returns.
Friday, May 25, 2007
For Delhi credit cardholders - complaints!
Joke of the day!
------------------------------------------------------------------
Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Now for Credit cardholders : Those complaints can be addressed via
Email the probelm at :
mytimesmyvoice@timesgroup.com with subject line 'Consumer Watch - Delhi'
SMS : Type MTMVCW then leave space and then type your comments and name. SMS to 8888.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Now for Credit cardholders : Those complaints can be addressed via
Email the probelm at :
mytimesmyvoice@timesgroup.com with subject line 'Consumer Watch - Delhi'
SMS : Type MTMVCW then leave space and then type your comments and name. SMS to 8888.
Monday, May 21, 2007
Wagon R LXi VS Santro XL
Lets Start with good mood:
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and
lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or
troubles.
Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Answer:
Hyundai being the underdogs is always the first to offer better features such as MPFI engine and ABS. They also tend to be more aggressive and Maruti dealers have the take it or leave it attitude.
Maruti has a bigger service network and the cost of spares it cheaper.
Both cars are tall boy model and have high seating. This add to driving/seating comfort and makes it easy for people to get in and get out.
Here is the comparison.
Santro Pros:
Better Looks (as compared to Wagon-R).
More comfortable to Drive.
Better Service.
Better Pickup.
Provision for 4 speakers, Wagon-R has provision for only 2.
Perceived to be more expensive.
Air conditioning more effective hence cooling is better.
Ability to adjust the side view mirrors from inside.
Seat belts for 5 passengers, Wagon-R has only 4. Santro is also approved for 5 people and Wagon-R has got approval for only 4 passengers. Not that anyone ever checks but still.
Wagon-R Pros:
Better resale value.
Cheaper cost of spares.
Bigger service network than Hyundai.
Slightly more fuel efficient. Although now Santro has new eRLX engine which is suppose to have improved mileage.
Better Engine and electronic power steering.
Cheaper.
Option for Airbags (only available in the top of the line model).
Slightly more leg space and better comfort for tall people.
The seats can be dropped completed to create a bed or even a double bed. Useful while traveling and someone can sleep.
I also suggest that irrespective of which car you decide to buy, don’t compromise on safety. Pay that extra for ABS and Airbags (only in Wagon-R).
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and
lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or
troubles.
Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Answer:
Hyundai being the underdogs is always the first to offer better features such as MPFI engine and ABS. They also tend to be more aggressive and Maruti dealers have the take it or leave it attitude.
Maruti has a bigger service network and the cost of spares it cheaper.
Both cars are tall boy model and have high seating. This add to driving/seating comfort and makes it easy for people to get in and get out.
Here is the comparison.
Santro Pros:
Better Looks (as compared to Wagon-R).
More comfortable to Drive.
Better Service.
Better Pickup.
Provision for 4 speakers, Wagon-R has provision for only 2.
Perceived to be more expensive.
Air conditioning more effective hence cooling is better.
Ability to adjust the side view mirrors from inside.
Seat belts for 5 passengers, Wagon-R has only 4. Santro is also approved for 5 people and Wagon-R has got approval for only 4 passengers. Not that anyone ever checks but still.
Wagon-R Pros:
Better resale value.
Cheaper cost of spares.
Bigger service network than Hyundai.
Slightly more fuel efficient. Although now Santro has new eRLX engine which is suppose to have improved mileage.
Better Engine and electronic power steering.
Cheaper.
Option for Airbags (only available in the top of the line model).
Slightly more leg space and better comfort for tall people.
The seats can be dropped completed to create a bed or even a double bed. Useful while traveling and someone can sleep.
I also suggest that irrespective of which car you decide to buy, don’t compromise on safety. Pay that extra for ABS and Airbags (only in Wagon-R).
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Enjoy some more superb Jokes on Husband Wife!
Wife: Honey..... What are You Looking for ?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an
hour
??
Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.
************************************************************************
Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
************************************************************************
Wife : You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Husband: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at
your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife : You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Husband: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can
there be greater than this one?"
************************************************************************
A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my
father hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER
WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"
************************************************************************
A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me my pretty face or
my figure?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of
humor.
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an
hour
??
Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.
************************************************************************
Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
************************************************************************
Wife : You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Husband: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at
your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife : You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Husband: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can
there be greater than this one?"
************************************************************************
A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my
father hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER
WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"
************************************************************************
A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me my pretty face or
my figure?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of
humor.
Friday, May 18, 2007
ICSE and ISC result today
Result can be viewed by logging on to :
www.cisce.indiaresults.com
www.cisce.examresults.net
Best of Luck!
Beside This
New Help line for students for 24 hrs free :
To tackale various adolescent issues related to examination ,careerand other divers issues. This is being launched by state education department in association with NACO.
Number is : 1800116888
www.cisce.indiaresults.com
www.cisce.examresults.net
Best of Luck!
Beside This
New Help line for students for 24 hrs free :
To tackale various adolescent issues related to examination ,careerand other divers issues. This is being launched by state education department in association with NACO.
Number is : 1800116888
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Shere -O shayari
Ek hi duniya mein rehte hain,
Phir bhi mil nahin paate hain....
Tumse to tumhaare khwaab achchhe hain,
Jo aankhein band karte hi chale aate hain!
==================================
Dard main koi mauasam pyara nahi hota,
dil ho pyassa to pani se gujaara nahi hota,
dekhe zara koi bebasi hamari,
hum usi ke hogaye jo hamara na hota.
Phir bhi mil nahin paate hain....
Tumse to tumhaare khwaab achchhe hain,
Jo aankhein band karte hi chale aate hain!
==================================
Dard main koi mauasam pyara nahi hota,
dil ho pyassa to pani se gujaara nahi hota,
dekhe zara koi bebasi hamari,
hum usi ke hogaye jo hamara na hota.
Intresting : try it !
Open Microsoft Word and type following
=rand (200,99)
and then HIT ENTER
This is something pretty weird..!
Worth a check..! try it..!
=rand (200,99)
and then HIT ENTER
This is something pretty weird..!
Worth a check..! try it..!
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
For DCE & NSIT (DU) entrance exam aspirants
Most important question for u guys..
Where will i get the previous year question papers of DCE & NSIT (DU) entrance exam.?
Answer:My friend you can buy arihant publication book on dce 10 yrs solved papers and can start doing one paper daily .By this you can estimate where you stand .Also i want to tell you that the cutoff of previous year was 378 marks i.e approx. 52 percent .Hope it will help u.
Where will i get the previous year question papers of DCE & NSIT (DU) entrance exam.?
Answer:My friend you can buy arihant publication book on dce 10 yrs solved papers and can start doing one paper daily .By this you can estimate where you stand .Also i want to tell you that the cutoff of previous year was 378 marks i.e approx. 52 percent .Hope it will help u.
Monday, May 14, 2007
Today's Joke
A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The
frog told her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three
wishes."
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed
to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish
for, your husband will get it ten times!"
The woman said, "That's okay."
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the
world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also
make
your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women
will flock to". The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the
most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me."
So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, "That
will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten
times richer than you. " The woman said, "That's okay, because what's
mine is his and what's his is mine."
So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd
like a mild heart attack!"
Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them
Attention female readers : This is the end of the joke for you. Stop
here and continue feeling good!
For Male readers:
The man had a heart attack ten times mildler than his wife!!!
Moral of the story:Women are really dumb but think they're really
smart! Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show!
PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show
that women never listen!!!
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The
frog told her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three
wishes."
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed
to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish
for, your husband will get it ten times!"
The woman said, "That's okay."
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the
world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also
make
your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women
will flock to". The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the
most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me."
So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, "That
will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten
times richer than you. " The woman said, "That's okay, because what's
mine is his and what's his is mine."
So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd
like a mild heart attack!"
Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them
Attention female readers : This is the end of the joke for you. Stop
here and continue feeling good!
For Male readers:
The man had a heart attack ten times mildler than his wife!!!
Moral of the story:Women are really dumb but think they're really
smart! Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show!
PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show
that women never listen!!!
Saturday, May 12, 2007
MUNNA BHAI JOKES!
PROFESSOR :
Gandhi Jayanti ke baray mein kya jante ho?
MUNNA BHAI :
Gandhi bahut zabardast aadmi tha, Baap. Maa Kasam, par apun ko yeh nehin maloom ke yeh Jayanti kaun hai.
____________ _________ _________
CIRCUIT :
Bhai, Bapu ne bola tha ke kabhi jhoot nehin bolna mangta hai. Apun aaj se kabhi jhoot nehin bolega Bhai.
MUNNA BHAI :
Aye Circuit, woh Sabrina ka baap aya hai tere ko dund rehla hai.
CIRCUIT :
Bhai usko bolo apun gaoon gayea hai, kheti karne ko.
MUNNA BHAI :
Par Circuit, abhi to tu bola kabhi jhoot nehin bolega.
CIRCUIT :
Bhai, apun jhoot nehin bolega, par tum to bol sakta hai na.
____________ _________ _________
MAMU :
Chand toh raat ko nikalta hai, aaj din mein kaise nikal aya?
GIRL :
Ullu to raat ko bolta hai, aaj din mein kaise bol pada?
____________ _________ _________ _
CIRCUIT :
Bhai, woh apnay bachpan ka dost aarehla hai aaj raat ko dinner pe. Mera sara chain collection apnay kamray mein chupa do na please.
MUNNABHAI :
Kyun tera dost chor hai kya?
CIRCUIT :
Nehin Bhai, woh apnay chain pechan lega.
____________ _________ _________ __
MAMU :
Bhai, apnay ko char mahinay mein Sindhi sikhna padega. Kuch hal batao.
MUNNA BHAI :
Kannada kyun, aur char mahinay ka kya chakkar hai?
MAMU :
Meinay ek Sindhi baccha adopt kiya hai, aur woh char mahinay mein bolne lagay ga.
____________ _________ _________ _
PROFESSOR :
Akal badi ki bhais?
MUNNA BHAI :
Bole toh pehlay date of birth bata mamu.
____________ _________ _________
MUNNA BHAI :
Circuit, bole toh yeh Ford kya hai?
CIRCUIT :
Bhai, gaadi hai.
MUNNA BHAI :
Toh phir, yeh Oxford kya hai?
CIRCUIT :
Bole toh, simple hai bhai, Ox mane Bael, Ford mane gaadi. Oxford bole toh Baelgaadi.
____________ _________ _________ __
Circuit takes a flight to Singapore and he is seated next to an Englishman. Circuit open his tiffin and serves himself a roti.
ENGLISHMAN :
What is this?
CIRCUIT :
Bread India
Circuit then open the box of jalebi.
ENGLISHMAN :
What is this?
CIRCUIT :
Sweet India
With all the food he hogged on, Munna farts. The Englishman is offended and in shock asks ...
ENGLISHMAN :
What is that?
CIRCUIT :
Air India
____________ _________ _________ __
CIRCUIT :
Aye Mamu, tereko papad aur jhapad mein pharak pata hai kya?
MAMU :
Nehin.
CIRCUIT :
To kha ke dekh le, pata chal jayega.
____________ _________ _______
MUNNA BHAI :
Mamu, apun bachpan mein dus maley ke building se gir gaya tha.
MAMU :
Aarey, phir kya hua. Bach gaya ki tapak gaya?
MUNNA BHAI :
Yaad nahin hai yaar. Bahut purani baat hai.
____________ _________ _______
MUNNA BHAI :
Mamu, tu kitna padha hai?
MAMU :
B.A.
MUNNA BHAI :
Sala, two lafz padha aur woh bhi ulta?
____________ _________ _________
MAMU :
Oye, maar gayea yaar. Meri biwi aur premika saath saath aa rehla hain.
MAMU KA DOST :
Arrey, mein bhi yehi bolnewala tha.
____________ _________ _________ __
CIRCUIT :
Oye Short Circuit yeh light bulb pe baap ka naam kya likh raha hai?
SHORT CIRCUIT :
Apun baap ka naam roshan kar rehle hai.
____________ _________ _________ __
PRINCIPAL :
Agar koi ladka girls hostel mein gaya toh first time 100 Rs fine, 2nd time 200 Rs. Fine and 3rd time 500.
MUNNA BHAI :
Boley to Monthly paas ka kya lega Mamu
.
Gandhi Jayanti ke baray mein kya jante ho?
MUNNA BHAI :
Gandhi bahut zabardast aadmi tha, Baap. Maa Kasam, par apun ko yeh nehin maloom ke yeh Jayanti kaun hai.
____________ _________ _________
CIRCUIT :
Bhai, Bapu ne bola tha ke kabhi jhoot nehin bolna mangta hai. Apun aaj se kabhi jhoot nehin bolega Bhai.
MUNNA BHAI :
Aye Circuit, woh Sabrina ka baap aya hai tere ko dund rehla hai.
CIRCUIT :
Bhai usko bolo apun gaoon gayea hai, kheti karne ko.
MUNNA BHAI :
Par Circuit, abhi to tu bola kabhi jhoot nehin bolega.
CIRCUIT :
Bhai, apun jhoot nehin bolega, par tum to bol sakta hai na.
____________ _________ _________
MAMU :
Chand toh raat ko nikalta hai, aaj din mein kaise nikal aya?
GIRL :
Ullu to raat ko bolta hai, aaj din mein kaise bol pada?
____________ _________ _________ _
CIRCUIT :
Bhai, woh apnay bachpan ka dost aarehla hai aaj raat ko dinner pe. Mera sara chain collection apnay kamray mein chupa do na please.
MUNNABHAI :
Kyun tera dost chor hai kya?
CIRCUIT :
Nehin Bhai, woh apnay chain pechan lega.
____________ _________ _________ __
MAMU :
Bhai, apnay ko char mahinay mein Sindhi sikhna padega. Kuch hal batao.
MUNNA BHAI :
Kannada kyun, aur char mahinay ka kya chakkar hai?
MAMU :
Meinay ek Sindhi baccha adopt kiya hai, aur woh char mahinay mein bolne lagay ga.
____________ _________ _________ _
PROFESSOR :
Akal badi ki bhais?
MUNNA BHAI :
Bole toh pehlay date of birth bata mamu.
____________ _________ _________
MUNNA BHAI :
Circuit, bole toh yeh Ford kya hai?
CIRCUIT :
Bhai, gaadi hai.
MUNNA BHAI :
Toh phir, yeh Oxford kya hai?
CIRCUIT :
Bole toh, simple hai bhai, Ox mane Bael, Ford mane gaadi. Oxford bole toh Baelgaadi.
____________ _________ _________ __
Circuit takes a flight to Singapore and he is seated next to an Englishman. Circuit open his tiffin and serves himself a roti.
ENGLISHMAN :
What is this?
CIRCUIT :
Bread India
Circuit then open the box of jalebi.
ENGLISHMAN :
What is this?
CIRCUIT :
Sweet India
With all the food he hogged on, Munna farts. The Englishman is offended and in shock asks ...
ENGLISHMAN :
What is that?
CIRCUIT :
Air India
____________ _________ _________ __
CIRCUIT :
Aye Mamu, tereko papad aur jhapad mein pharak pata hai kya?
MAMU :
Nehin.
CIRCUIT :
To kha ke dekh le, pata chal jayega.
____________ _________ _______
MUNNA BHAI :
Mamu, apun bachpan mein dus maley ke building se gir gaya tha.
MAMU :
Aarey, phir kya hua. Bach gaya ki tapak gaya?
MUNNA BHAI :
Yaad nahin hai yaar. Bahut purani baat hai.
____________ _________ _______
MUNNA BHAI :
Mamu, tu kitna padha hai?
MAMU :
B.A.
MUNNA BHAI :
Sala, two lafz padha aur woh bhi ulta?
____________ _________ _________
MAMU :
Oye, maar gayea yaar. Meri biwi aur premika saath saath aa rehla hain.
MAMU KA DOST :
Arrey, mein bhi yehi bolnewala tha.
____________ _________ _________ __
CIRCUIT :
Oye Short Circuit yeh light bulb pe baap ka naam kya likh raha hai?
SHORT CIRCUIT :
Apun baap ka naam roshan kar rehle hai.
____________ _________ _________ __
PRINCIPAL :
Agar koi ladka girls hostel mein gaya toh first time 100 Rs fine, 2nd time 200 Rs. Fine and 3rd time 500.
MUNNA BHAI :
Boley to Monthly paas ka kya lega Mamu
.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Breaking News!
India almost do a Cup repeat
Bangladesh missed a crucial run out and their captain a few tricks that allowed Team India to escape to a five-wicket victory in the opening match of the three-match ODI series at the Mirpur Stadium on Thursday.
If Bangladesh didn't inflict a 'double' on India, blame it on Abdur Razzak. The left-arm spinner failed to gather the return cleanly at the non-striker's end with Dinesh Karthik well short of his crease.
Scorecard
Match in pics
India were 146 for two in the 30th over and Karthik was on one. He went on to remain not out on 58 after having added 107 runs for the sixth wicket in a match-winning partnership with Mahendra Singh Dhoni.
The Jharkhand stumper, who was promoted to No 3 by skipper Rahul Dravid, played a pugnacious knock (91 not out) despite being bothered by cramps for the better part of his innings.
Man-of-the-match Dhoni, who started in a belligerent fashion, settled down nicely in the company of Dravid and even though he needed Yuvraj to run for him later on, never let the asking rate veer out of control.
It was largely due to Dhoni and Karthik's risk-free cricket that frustrated Bangladesh, who were not helped by their captain Habibul Bashar's reluctance to attack the last recognised Indian pair. The three left-arm spinners — Razzak, Rafique and Saqibul — on whom rested much of Bangla's hopes, bowled well in their opening spells but wilted under pressure towards the end.
At 144 for five in the 29th over, it looked curtains for Team India. But for Razzak's bungling, it could have been a very different ending and the thousands of Bangla fans, who had turned up watch their World Cup heroes play, would have gone home happy.
It was not to be only because Dhoni not only played through pain but also decided to stay there till the every end. All he needed was support and Karthik was more than happy to provide it. But for a couple of tight run-out calls, primarily because of misunderstanding with Dhoni's runner, Karthik played sparkling cricket.
He placed that ball well, ran hard between the wickets and played the big shots only towards the end. The rest was an often repeated tale of batsmen throwing away their wickets after getting quick 20s and 30s as India looked to chase down Bangladesh's rather competitive tally of 250 for seven in a game that was reduced to 47 overs per side because of a rain-delayed start.
Virender Sehwag, who looked to be in sublime touch, Gautam Gambhir, Dravid himself and Mongia, were all guilty of the same offence, while Yuvraj didn't even bother to hang in there long enough.
And when Mongia, who had earlier used his experience to bowl his full quota of overs, picking up three for 49 in the process, was also fooled by Sakib into popping up a catch, the stage was set for India's two wicket-keeper-batsmen to take centrestage, which they did in style.
Earlier, the Bangladeshi batsmen failed to turn the heat on India especially after the visitors lost the services of Sreesanth because of cramps.
The Kerala pacer, who bowled the best among the three pacers, suffered an attack of cramps soon after finishing his opening spell during which he repeatedly beat the bat. He could not return to bowl at the death and his quota had to to be made up India's part-time spinners, Mongia and Sehwag whom the Bangla batsmen found hard to get away.
Bangladesh got off to a brisk start, thanks to young Tamim Iqbal and the experienced Javed Omar, who too on the Indian pace attack head on.
A few audacious shots by Tamim had Indians scratching their heads, but the youngster got carried away and holed out to Sehwag in the deep off Mongia.
After skipper Bashar only managed to spoon up a simple catch to mid-on, it was left to Omar to anchor the innings, a task, he performed to perfection. He got good support from Sakib (50) and Ashraful (29).
Bangladesh missed not only Mashrafe Mortaza the bowler, but also his big-hitting during the slog as they perhaps ended up 20 runs short.
Bangladesh missed a crucial run out and their captain a few tricks that allowed Team India to escape to a five-wicket victory in the opening match of the three-match ODI series at the Mirpur Stadium on Thursday.
If Bangladesh didn't inflict a 'double' on India, blame it on Abdur Razzak. The left-arm spinner failed to gather the return cleanly at the non-striker's end with Dinesh Karthik well short of his crease.
Scorecard
Match in pics
India were 146 for two in the 30th over and Karthik was on one. He went on to remain not out on 58 after having added 107 runs for the sixth wicket in a match-winning partnership with Mahendra Singh Dhoni.
The Jharkhand stumper, who was promoted to No 3 by skipper Rahul Dravid, played a pugnacious knock (91 not out) despite being bothered by cramps for the better part of his innings.
Man-of-the-match Dhoni, who started in a belligerent fashion, settled down nicely in the company of Dravid and even though he needed Yuvraj to run for him later on, never let the asking rate veer out of control.
It was largely due to Dhoni and Karthik's risk-free cricket that frustrated Bangladesh, who were not helped by their captain Habibul Bashar's reluctance to attack the last recognised Indian pair. The three left-arm spinners — Razzak, Rafique and Saqibul — on whom rested much of Bangla's hopes, bowled well in their opening spells but wilted under pressure towards the end.
At 144 for five in the 29th over, it looked curtains for Team India. But for Razzak's bungling, it could have been a very different ending and the thousands of Bangla fans, who had turned up watch their World Cup heroes play, would have gone home happy.
It was not to be only because Dhoni not only played through pain but also decided to stay there till the every end. All he needed was support and Karthik was more than happy to provide it. But for a couple of tight run-out calls, primarily because of misunderstanding with Dhoni's runner, Karthik played sparkling cricket.
He placed that ball well, ran hard between the wickets and played the big shots only towards the end. The rest was an often repeated tale of batsmen throwing away their wickets after getting quick 20s and 30s as India looked to chase down Bangladesh's rather competitive tally of 250 for seven in a game that was reduced to 47 overs per side because of a rain-delayed start.
Virender Sehwag, who looked to be in sublime touch, Gautam Gambhir, Dravid himself and Mongia, were all guilty of the same offence, while Yuvraj didn't even bother to hang in there long enough.
And when Mongia, who had earlier used his experience to bowl his full quota of overs, picking up three for 49 in the process, was also fooled by Sakib into popping up a catch, the stage was set for India's two wicket-keeper-batsmen to take centrestage, which they did in style.
Earlier, the Bangladeshi batsmen failed to turn the heat on India especially after the visitors lost the services of Sreesanth because of cramps.
The Kerala pacer, who bowled the best among the three pacers, suffered an attack of cramps soon after finishing his opening spell during which he repeatedly beat the bat. He could not return to bowl at the death and his quota had to to be made up India's part-time spinners, Mongia and Sehwag whom the Bangla batsmen found hard to get away.
Bangladesh got off to a brisk start, thanks to young Tamim Iqbal and the experienced Javed Omar, who too on the Indian pace attack head on.
A few audacious shots by Tamim had Indians scratching their heads, but the youngster got carried away and holed out to Sehwag in the deep off Mongia.
After skipper Bashar only managed to spoon up a simple catch to mid-on, it was left to Omar to anchor the innings, a task, he performed to perfection. He got good support from Sakib (50) and Ashraful (29).
Bangladesh missed not only Mashrafe Mortaza the bowler, but also his big-hitting during the slog as they perhaps ended up 20 runs short.
Enjoy the equations. They are quite practical.:-)
Equations:
1. SSC + HSC + BTech + MBA = UNEMPLOYMENT
2. An Idea + An Idiot = A Dot com.
3. One Chinese gymnast = India 's Gold Medal tally since 1896
4. Sushmita Sen - 1.2 feet = Salman Khan.
5. Special Effects in Shampoo ads = Special effects in Jurassic park.
6. 4 weeks in Switzerland + London + New Zealand + Canada
= a 4 minute song in Hindi movie.
7. Ajay Devgan + cosmetic surgery + acting ability +
personality + own production company = Kajol
8. Amitabh Bachchan - Mrityudaata + Kaun Banega Crorepati
= A SUPERSTAR.
9. Amitabh Bachchan + Jaya Bachchan - Talent
= Abhishek Bachchan
10. Any actor + Any actress + many movies
= David Dhawan
11. 1 smile + 32 teeth = Govinda
12. 1 person - shirt = Salman Khan
13. 1 person + straight hair
+ un-straight walk = Sanjay Dutt
14. 1 hand + 10 kg weight = Sunny Deol
15. One engagement + Two weddings + Three wedding songs
+ Four hundred Relatives + A house bigger than
Buckingham Palace = One sooraj Barjataya Film
16.... This one is the best of all, a big one
.........Software Engineer + No Work =
Reading all Forwards
1. SSC + HSC + BTech + MBA = UNEMPLOYMENT
2. An Idea + An Idiot = A Dot com.
3. One Chinese gymnast = India 's Gold Medal tally since 1896
4. Sushmita Sen - 1.2 feet = Salman Khan.
5. Special Effects in Shampoo ads = Special effects in Jurassic park.
6. 4 weeks in Switzerland + London + New Zealand + Canada
= a 4 minute song in Hindi movie.
7. Ajay Devgan + cosmetic surgery + acting ability +
personality + own production company = Kajol
8. Amitabh Bachchan - Mrityudaata + Kaun Banega Crorepati
= A SUPERSTAR.
9. Amitabh Bachchan + Jaya Bachchan - Talent
= Abhishek Bachchan
10. Any actor + Any actress + many movies
= David Dhawan
11. 1 smile + 32 teeth = Govinda
12. 1 person - shirt = Salman Khan
13. 1 person + straight hair
+ un-straight walk = Sanjay Dutt
14. 1 hand + 10 kg weight = Sunny Deol
15. One engagement + Two weddings + Three wedding songs
+ Four hundred Relatives + A house bigger than
Buckingham Palace = One sooraj Barjataya Film
16.... This one is the best of all, a big one
.........Software Engineer + No Work =
Reading all Forwards
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
WAQT NAHI
Har khushi Hai Logon Ke Daman Mein,
Par Ek Hansi Ke Liye Waqt Nahi.
Din Raat Daudti Duniya Mein,
Zindagi Ke Liye Hi Waqt Nahi.
Maa Ki Loree Ka Ehsaas To Hai,
Par Maa Ko Maa Kehne Ka Waqt Nahi.
Saare Rishton Ko To Hum Maar Chuke,
Ab Unhe Dafnane Ka Bhi Waqt Nahi.
Saare Naam Mobile Mein Hain,
Par Dosti Ke Lye Waqt Nahi.
Gairon Ki Kya Baat Karen,
Jab Apno Ke Liye Hi Waqt Nahi.
Aankhon Me Hai Neend Badee,
Par Sone Ka Waqt Nahi.
Dil Hai Ghamon Se Bhara Hua,
Par Rone Ka Bhi Waqt Nahi.
Paison ki Daud Me Aise Daude,
Ki Thakne ka Bhi Waqt Nahi.
Paraye Ehsason Ki Kya Kadr Karein,
Jab Apane Sapno Ke Liye Hi Waqt Nahi.
Tu Hi Bata E Zindagi,
Iss Zindagi Ka Kya Hoga,
Ki Har Pal Marne Walon Ko,
Jeene Ke Liye Bhi Waqt Nahi.......
Par Ek Hansi Ke Liye Waqt Nahi.
Din Raat Daudti Duniya Mein,
Zindagi Ke Liye Hi Waqt Nahi.
Maa Ki Loree Ka Ehsaas To Hai,
Par Maa Ko Maa Kehne Ka Waqt Nahi.
Saare Rishton Ko To Hum Maar Chuke,
Ab Unhe Dafnane Ka Bhi Waqt Nahi.
Saare Naam Mobile Mein Hain,
Par Dosti Ke Lye Waqt Nahi.
Gairon Ki Kya Baat Karen,
Jab Apno Ke Liye Hi Waqt Nahi.
Aankhon Me Hai Neend Badee,
Par Sone Ka Waqt Nahi.
Dil Hai Ghamon Se Bhara Hua,
Par Rone Ka Bhi Waqt Nahi.
Paison ki Daud Me Aise Daude,
Ki Thakne ka Bhi Waqt Nahi.
Paraye Ehsason Ki Kya Kadr Karein,
Jab Apane Sapno Ke Liye Hi Waqt Nahi.
Tu Hi Bata E Zindagi,
Iss Zindagi Ka Kya Hoga,
Ki Har Pal Marne Walon Ko,
Jeene Ke Liye Bhi Waqt Nahi.......
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
Evolution of A software Engineer........
| High School/Jr.High
|
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Output
HELLO WORLD
Jab output same hai to itni magajmari kyon ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
Duniya Gol Hai
Zindagi hai to Khwaab Hai
__Khwaab Hai To Manzilein Hai
____Manzilein Hai To Fasaley Hai
__________Fasaley Hai To Rastey Hai
_____________Rastay Hai To Mushkilein Hai
___________________Mushkilein Hai To Hausla Hai
_________________________Hausla Hai To Vishawas Hai
_____________________________Vishvas hai to Paisa hai
_______________________________Paisa hai to Shohrat hai
_____________________________________Shohrat hai to Izzat Hai
_________________________________________Izzat hai to Ladki hai
______________________________________Ladki hai to Tension hai
________________________________Tension hai to Concern hai
__________________________Concern hai to a Khayaal hai
______________________Khayaal hai to Khwaab hai
_________________Khawab hai to Growth hai
__________Growth hai to Zindagi hai
______Zindagi hai to khwaab hai
__Matlab duniya Gol Gol hai
Bas ghumnewala chahiye
__Khwaab Hai To Manzilein Hai
____Manzilein Hai To Fasaley Hai
__________Fasaley Hai To Rastey Hai
_____________Rastay Hai To Mushkilein Hai
___________________Mushkilein Hai To Hausla Hai
_________________________Hausla Hai To Vishawas Hai
_____________________________Vishvas hai to Paisa hai
_______________________________Paisa hai to Shohrat hai
_____________________________________Shohrat hai to Izzat Hai
_________________________________________Izzat hai to Ladki hai
______________________________________Ladki hai to Tension hai
________________________________Tension hai to Concern hai
__________________________Concern hai to a Khayaal hai
______________________Khayaal hai to Khwaab hai
_________________Khawab hai to Growth hai
__________Growth hai to Zindagi hai
______Zindagi hai to khwaab hai
__Matlab duniya Gol Gol hai
Bas ghumnewala chahiye
Some more funny jokes
1)A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him.
"Why do we have to learn this stuff?" the frustrated student blurted out.
"To save lives," the professor responded before continuing the lecture.
A few minutes later the student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?"
The professor stared at the student without saying a word. "Physics saves lives," he finally continued, "because it keeps the idiots out of medical school."
2)Then there’s the woman who goes to the dentist. As he leans over to begin working on her, she grabs his crotch. The dentist says, "Madam, I believe you’ve got a hold of my privates." The woman replies, "Yes. Now, we’re going to be careful not to hurt each other, aren’t we."
Now one Health Tip:
When you try to call someone through mobile phone, don't put your mobile closer to your ears until the recipient answers Because directly after dialing, the mobile phone would use it's maximum signaling power, which is: 2watts = 33dbi Please Be Careful Message as received ( Save your brain ) Please use left ear while using cell (mobile), because if you use the right one it will affect brain directly. This is a true fact from Apollo medical team
Monday, May 7, 2007
Today's Dose to relax from tension full life
The Five Stages Of Drunkeness
Stage 1 - CLEVER
This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known universe. You know you know everything and you want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always right. And, of course, the person you are talking to is very wrong. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are CLEVER.
Stage 2 - ATTRACTIVE
This is when you realize that you are the most ATTRACTIVE person in the entire bar and that everyone fancies you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing that they fancy you and really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are still CLEVER, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun.
Stage 3 - RICH
This is when you suddenly become the RICHEST person in the room. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have a bottomless wallet. You can also make bets at this stage because of course you are still CLEVER so, naturally, you will always win. Anyway, it doesn't matter how much you bet because you are RICH. You will also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, in the knowledge that you are clearly the most ATTRACTIVE person present.
Stage 4 - INVINCIBLE
You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone, especially those with whom you have been betting or arguing. This is because you are now INVINCIBLE. At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people who you fancy and challenge them to a battle of wits or strength. You have no fear of losing this battle, because as well as being INVINCIBLE you are CLEVER, you're RICH and you're more ATTRACTIVE than them anyway.
Stage 5 - INVISIBLE
This is the final stage of drunkenness. At this point you can do anything, because you are now INVISIBLE. You can dance on a table to impress the people who you fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you. You can also snob the face off them for the same reason. You are also INVISIBLE to the people who want to fight you. You can walk through the street singing at the top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you and because you're still CLEVER you know all the words.
Stage 1 - CLEVER
This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known universe. You know you know everything and you want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always right. And, of course, the person you are talking to is very wrong. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are CLEVER.
Stage 2 - ATTRACTIVE
This is when you realize that you are the most ATTRACTIVE person in the entire bar and that everyone fancies you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing that they fancy you and really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are still CLEVER, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun.
Stage 3 - RICH
This is when you suddenly become the RICHEST person in the room. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have a bottomless wallet. You can also make bets at this stage because of course you are still CLEVER so, naturally, you will always win. Anyway, it doesn't matter how much you bet because you are RICH. You will also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, in the knowledge that you are clearly the most ATTRACTIVE person present.
Stage 4 - INVINCIBLE
You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone, especially those with whom you have been betting or arguing. This is because you are now INVINCIBLE. At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people who you fancy and challenge them to a battle of wits or strength. You have no fear of losing this battle, because as well as being INVINCIBLE you are CLEVER, you're RICH and you're more ATTRACTIVE than them anyway.
Stage 5 - INVISIBLE
This is the final stage of drunkenness. At this point you can do anything, because you are now INVISIBLE. You can dance on a table to impress the people who you fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you. You can also snob the face off them for the same reason. You are also INVISIBLE to the people who want to fight you. You can walk through the street singing at the top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you and because you're still CLEVER you know all the words.
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