Kanjoos Makkhi Choos!!!!!!! Jokes

Kanjoos: Yeh kaila(banana) kaisay diya?
Shopkeeper: 1Rs.
Kanjoos: 60 Paisa ka deta hai?
S.K: 60 paise mein to sirf chilka milega.
Kanjoos:Ley 40 paisay, chilka rakh aur kela day de
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A Kanjoos on his death time.
My wife, where r u ?
Wife:Yes, I’m here
My sons & daughters ru all here?
Yes, Papa
Kanjoos:To phir brabar wale kamre
ka pankha Q khula hay Huh
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1 Kanjoos 14th floor se neche gira
Girte waqt usne
apni ghar ki khirki me
apni wife ko roti pakate hue dekha
to chilla k bola
MERI ROTI NAHI PAKANA!
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Kanjoos ne arbi ko khoon dey k uski jaan bachai.
Arbi ne usay MERCEDES gift kardi.
Arbi ko phir khoon ki zarorut pari,
Kanjoos ne phir khoon dia.
Ab k bar Arbi ne till waly laddu gift kiye,
Kanjoos:Ghusse se, mercedez kion nahi di?
Arbi:Munna…!!
Ab hamarey ander bhi Kanjoos ka khoon dor raha hay
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A Kanjoos called a newspaper office and asked: Mera Baap Mar gaya hai, kya charges hongay?
NewsPaper: Rs.50 per word.
Kanjoos: Oh bohat ziyada hain, Acha likho "Sohan Bhai Died".
Newspaper: Sir! It should be minimum 6 words!
Kanjoos: Oh ho! Jara sochnay do..... Acha likho....... ......... .
Ghafoor Bhai Died - Suzuki for Sale .
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Kanjoos ask to Taxi Driver: Abdullah Shah Ghazi k mazaar jao gay?
Taxi Driver: Han jaon ga.
Kanjoos ne jaib se shopper nikala or kaha:
Wapsi main langar ki biryani lete aana.
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Shadi me 1 Kanjoos bahut der tk khata raha,
Kse ne pocha bhae kb tk khaty rhogy?
Kanjoos: Yaar me khud kah kha k thak gya hun pr kya kron card me lkha tha "Dinner 7 to 10pm
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Kanjoos to dukandar: Yaar zara toothbrush dena mere brush ka 1 baal toot gaya hai
Dukandar: 1 baal toota to naya q lerahe ho
Kanjoos: jo toota hai woh akhri tha.
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EIK KANJOOS KHALI KATOREY MAIN
ROTI DABA KAR KHA RAHA THA
WAITER NE DEKA TU POUCHA
AP YAH KIA KAR RAHEY HIAN
KANJOOS NE JAWAB DIYA
MAIN MATHS KA TEACHER HOON OR DALL
SUPPOSE KAR KAY KHARAHA HOON
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Titanic K Sath Kanjoos Bhi Doob Raha Tha
Aur Hans Bhi Raha Tha
Dost:
Oye Hans Kyun Raha Hai?
Kanjoos:
Shukar Hai Main Ne Return Ticket Nahi Khareeda

External Affair!!!! --- Jokes

The 1st Affair:

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.

One day they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.

The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.

He put on his shoes and drove home.

"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.

"I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon."

"You lying bastard!

You've been playing golf!"


The 2nd Affair:

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.

They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.

He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?"

The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time!"


The 3th Affair:

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.

"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."

She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.

"Don't move until I tell you," she said. "Pretend you're a statue."

"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.

"Oh it's a statue." she replied. "The Smith's bought one and I liked it so much I got one for us, too."

No more was said, not even when they went to bed.

Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.

"Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing."

The 4th Affair:

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.

"Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent."

"One Cent?" the man thought.

He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"

"A nickel," the barman replied.

"A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"

The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."

The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"

The bartender replied,

"The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."


The 5th Affair:

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly, "I have something I must confess."

"There's no need to," his wife replied.

"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"

"I know, I know," she replied. "Now just rest and let the poison work."

Weekend Jokes!!

Koun gadha ?

Ek baar sardar ji kahain jaa rahe tahe k ek diwar par padha "padhne wala gadha"

Sardar ko bohat ghussa aya, unhon ne mita kar likh diya! "likhne wala gadha"
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ...


bHAO Bhao :P

Train mai ek husband apni wife say: "tujh say shadi kar k pachta raha hoon."

"dil karta hai tujhe kutttay k aagay daal doon"

Samnay wala passenger bola: "bhao bhao"
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ...

999 Kaun hain?

Wife mere iraday baray neek hain, aap 1000 mai ek hain.

Sardar: mera dimag bara taiz hai, pehlay ye bata baki 999 kon hai?
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ...

Height Of Stupidity

Sardar looked himself in mirror and said:
Is ko kahain dekha hai. Then he said:

Oye yaad aya, ye to woh he kamina hai jo
Shaadi ki album main meri biwi k saath hai :p
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ...

Rang bhare Holi SMS Collection!!!

Saade rang ko galti se aap naa kora samjho,
Isi mey samaaye indradhanushi saaton rang,
Jo dikhe aapko zindagi saadagi bhari kisi ki,
To aap yun samjho satrangi hai duniya usiki,
Holi aayi satrangi rango ki bouchar laayi,
Dher saari mithai aur mitha mitha pyar laayi,
Aap ki zindagi ho mithe pyar aur khusiyon se bhari,
Jisme samaaye saaton rang yahi shubhkamna hai hamaari.
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Lal, gulabi, neela, pila hathon me liya samet,
Holi ke din rangenge sajni, kar ke meethi bhent.
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Pichkari ki Dhar,
Gulal ki bauchar,
Apno ka pyar,
Yahi hai yaaron holi ka tyohar.
Happy Holi!!!!
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Rangon se bhi rangeen zindagi hai humari, rangeeli rahe yeh bandagi hai humari,
kabhi na bigde ye pyar ki rangoli, aye mere yaar aisi HAPPY HOLI.
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Gul ne gulshan se gulfam bheja hai,
Sitaro ne aasman se salaam bheja hai,
Mubaraq ho aapko holi ka tyohar,
Humne dil se yeh paigam bheja hai.
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Rango ke tyohar mein sabhi rango ki ho bharmar,
Dher saari khushiyon se bhara ho aapka sansar,
Yahi dua hai bhagwan se hamari har bar,
Holi Mubarak ho mere yaar!
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Khaa key gujiya, pee key bhaang, laaga ke thoda thoda sa rang,
baja ke dholak aur mridang, khele holi hum tere sang.
Holi Mubarak!
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Rango mein ghuli ladki kya laal gulabi hai
Jo dekhta hai kehta hai kya maal gulabi hai
Pichle baras tune jo bhigoya tha holi mein
Ab tak nishani ka woh rumaal gulabi hai.
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Chadenge jab pyare rang, ek meri dosti ka rang bhi chadhana.
Lagne lagenge tumhe suhane sare rang,
Aur meri dosti ka rang chamkega hurdum tumhare sang.
Bolo sarararara....
Wish you a very mastiful and colourful Happy Holi!
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Apun wishing you a wonderful,
Super-duper,
Zabardast,
Xtra-badhiya,
Xtra special,
Ekdum mast and dhinchak,
Bole to ekdum jhakaas
“Happy Holi”.

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Funny Holi SMS
Me ja ja jovu hu,
Mane tharo chahero dikhto hai,
Ii thaaro kusur nathi,
Salo sab chahero aaj rangeelo hai,
Holi Mubarak!
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Aapne dil ka haal batana chod diya,
humne bhi gehrai mein jaana chod diya.
Holi se pehle hi aapne nahana chod diya?
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Rang barse bhige chunar wali,
rang barse o rang barse bhige chunar wali..rang barse,
are rang barse bhige chunar wali..re!
Ab ghar jao nahi to jukham lag jayega.
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English Holi SMS
Dipped in hues of love and trust has come the festival of Holi.
Happy Holi!!
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Bright colors, water balloons, lavish gujiyas and melodious songs are
the ingredients of perfect Holi. Wish you a very happy and wonderful Holi.
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May God gift you all the colors of life, colors of joy,
colors of happiness, colors of friendship, colors of love and
all other colors you want to paint in your life. Happy Holi.
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If wishes come in rainbow colors then I would send the brightest one to say Happy Holi.
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A true and caring relation doesn't have to speak loud, a soft sms is just enough to express the heartiest feelings. Enjoy the festival of Holi with lot of fun.
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Best wishes to you for a Holi filled with sweet moments and memories to cherish for long.
Happy Holi!
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Rango mein ghuli ladki kya laal gulabi hai,
Jo dekhta hai kehta hai kya maal gulabi hai,
Pichle baras tune jo bhigoya tha holi mein,
Ab tak nishani ka woh rumaal gulabi hai
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Makki ki Roti, Nimbu ka Aachar,
Suraj Ki Kirne, Khushiyo ki Bahar,
Chand Ki Chandi, Apno ka Pyar,
Mubarak Ho Aapko, HOLI ka Tyohar
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Har rang aap pe barse,
Har koi apse Holi khelne ko tarse;
Rang de aapko sab itna,
Ki aap rang chhudane ko tarse.
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Holi Ka Gulal Ho,
Rango Ki Bahar Ho,
Gujhia Ki Mithas Ho,
Ek Baat Khas Ho,
Sab Ke Dil Main Pyar Ho,
Yahi Apna Tyohaar Ho,
Wish U Happy Holi!