Mginger

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Quotes should be followed!!!

1. Success is not permanent and failure is not final!!!
Never stop working after after Success & Never Stop trying after Failure!!!


2.3 Tips to play safe game of life:-

a.Don't make promises when you are in joy.
b.Don't reply when you are sad.
c.Don't take decision when you are angry.


3.Life is different than teacher,
A Teacher teaches lesson,
then keeps the exam,
But life keeps the exam first,
then teaches the lesson.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

In 24 Hours Average Human!!!!! (approx..)

1) HEART beats 1,03,689 times.

2) LUNGS respire 23,045 times.

3) BLOOD flows 16,80,000 miles.

4) NAILS grow 0.00007 inches

5) HAIR grows 0.01715 inches

6) Take 2.9 pounds WATER (including all liquids)

7) Take of 3.25 pounds FOOD.

8) Breathe 438 cubic feet AIR.

9) Lose 85.60, BODY TEMPERATURE.

10) Produce 1.43 pints SWEAT.

11) Speak 4,800 WORDS.

12) During SLEEP move 25.4 times.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Hidden blue tooth software in Windows XP and Vista!!

Most of you people are searching for software for your bluetooth Dongles or Bluetooth devices over Internet. Don't worry there is a hidden blue tooth software in Windows XP and Vista.

Follow the below mentioned method for this Blue tooth trick.



1. Open the run command.


2. Now type fsquirt without quotes. This will open a window with text Welcome to Bluetooth File Transfer


3. Now just select whether you want to send or receive any file and you are done. Wizard.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Gain Self Confidence By 11 Simple Rules!!!

Let’s start the process of building self-confidence. Remember there is no quick fix solution for it. Nonetheless, practice makes a man perfect. So all you have to do is try and implement the following given tips in your day-to-day life.

Recognize your insecurities: We all have insecurities in life. It can be anything from acne, to regrets, to friends at school. Giving a name to the things that make youfeel unworthy, ashamed or inferior helps to combat them. You can try to pen down your thoughts and you will find that it makes you feel much lighter and happier. Remember that no one is perfect. The man or woman sitting next to you might have the same amount of insecurities as you have. If writing doesn’t come easily to you, you might want to talk it out with your friends or loved ones. Sharing your thoughts will help relieve the burden you have been carrying all alone.

Identify your successes: No matter how insecure you might feel, God has blessed each one of us with some talent. Discover the things you are good at and then focus on improving them. Give yourself permission to take pride in your talents. Give yourself credit for your successes. Inferiority is a state of mind in which you’ve declared yourself a victim. Do not allow yourself to be victimized.

Be thankful for what you have: A lot of the times, at the root of insecurity and lack of confidence is a feeling of not having enough of something, whether it’s emotional validation, good luck, money, etc. By acknowledging and appreciating what you do have, you can combat the feeling of being incomplete and unsatisfied. Finding that inner peace will do wonders for your confidence.

Be positive: Avoid self-pity or sympathy of others. Never allow others to make you feel inferior–they can only do so if you let them. If you continue to loathe and belittle yourself, others are going to do and believe likewise. Instead, speak positively about yourself, about your future, and about your progress. Do not be afraid to project your strengths and qualities to others.

Dress sharp: Although clothes don’t make the man, they certainly affect the way he feels about himself. When you don’t look good, you don’tfeel good. It changes the way you carry yourself and interact with people. This doesn’t mean you need to spend a lot on clothes. Rather than buying a bunch of cheap clothes, buy half as many select, high quality items. In long run this decreases spending because expensive clothes wear out less easily and stay in style longer thancheap clothes.

Walk faster: Your gait tells a lot about your personality. Is it slow? Tired? Painful? Or is it energetic and purposeful? People with confidence walk quickly. They have places to go, people to see, and important work to do. You can increase yourself confidence by putting some pep in your step. Walking 25% faster will make to you look and feel more important.

Compliment other people: When we think negatively about ourselves, we often project that feeling on to others in the form of insults and gossip. Refuse to engage in backstabbing gossip and make an effort to compliment those around you. In the process, you’ll become well liked and buildself confidence. By looking for the best in others, you indirectly bring out the best in yourself.

Take the front seat: Back benchers might seem to have a lot of fun in schools and colleges but that does nothing to boost their self confidence. Don’t be afraid to get noticed. By deciding to sit in the front row, you can get over your irrational fear of getting noticed and build your self confidence.

Speak up: It’s a general observation that many people are afraid to speak or ask questions in a group discussion or a public gathering. They are afraid that they might be judged for saying something stupid. Generally, people are much more accepting than we imagine. In fact most people are dealing with the exact same fears. By making an effort to speak up at least once in every group discussion, you’ll become a better public speaker, more confident in your own thoughts, and recognized as a leader by your peers.

Work out: A healthy mind resides in a healthy body. If you are fit, you are surrounded by positivity and energy. If you are out of shape youfeel unattractive. This leads to demoralization. Just a little discipline in your life can help shape up your self confidence in a big way.

Smile: Last but not the least; try to smile as much as possible. People are always appreciative of a smiling face. You will be welcomed by anyone who comes in your contact. A smiling face is always received with warmth and affection. Acceptance and recognition from othershelps in building self confidence.

Monday, November 9, 2009

52 Proven Stress Reducers.....

1. Get up fifteen minutes earlier in the morning.

The inevitable morning mishaps will be less stressful.

*

2. Prepare for the morning the evening before..

Set the breakfast table, make lunches, put out the clothes you plan to wear, etc.

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3. Don't rely on your memory. Write down

appointment times, when to pick up the laundry, when library books are due, etc.

("The palest ink is better than the most retentive memory" -)

Old Chinese Proverb

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4. Do nothing which, after being done, leads you to tell a lie.

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5.Make duplicates of all keys. Bury a house key in a secret spot in the garden and carry a duplicate car key in your wallet, apart from your key ring.

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6. Practice preventive maintenance.. Your car,appliances,home,

and relationships will be less likely to break down/fall apart "at the worst possible moment."

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7. Be prepared to wait. A paperback can make a wait in a post office line almost pleasant.

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8. Procrastination is stressful. Whatever you want to do tomorrow, do today; whatever you want to do today, do it now.

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9... Plan ahead. Don't let the gas tank get below one-quarter full; keep a well-stocked "emergency shelf" of home staples; don't wait until you're down to your last bus token or postage stamp to buy more; etc.

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10. Don't put up with something that doesn't work right. If your alarm clock, wallet, shoe laces, windshield wipers? whatever? are a constant aggravation, get them fixed or get new ones.

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Plan to arrive at an airport one hour before domestic departures.

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12. Eliminate (or restrict) the amount of caffeine in your diet.

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13. Always set up contingency plans, "just in case." ("If for some reason either of us is delayed, here's what we'll do"

kind of thing. Or, "If we get split up in the shopping center,

here's where we'll meet.")

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14. Relax your standards.The world will not end if the grass doesn't get mowed this weekend.

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15. Pollyanna-Power! For every one thing that goes wrong, there are probably 10 or 50 or 100 blessings. Count them!

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16. Ask questions. Taking a few moments to repeat back directions, what someone expects of you, etc., can save hours. (The old "the hurried I go, the beholder I get, " idea.)

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17. Say "No!" Saying "no" to extra projects, social activities, and invitations you know you don't have the time or energy

for takes practice,self-respect, and a belief that everyone,

everyday, needs quiet time to relax and be alone.

*

18. Unplug your phone. Want to take a long bath, meditate, sleep, or read without interruption? Drum up the courage to temporarily disconnect. (The possibility of there being a terrible emergency in the next hour or so is almost nil.) Or use an answering machine.

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19. Turn "needs" into preferences. Our basic physical needs translate into food, water, and keeping warm. Everything else is a preference. Don't get attached to preferences.

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20. Simplify, simplify, simplify?

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21. Make friends with non-worriers. Nothing can get you into the habit of worrying faster than associating with chronic worrywarts.

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22. Get up and stretch periodically if your job requires that you sit for extended periods.

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23. Wear earplugs. If you need to find quiet at home, pop in some earplugs.

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24. Get enough sleep. If necessary, use an alarm clock to remind you to go to bed.

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25. Create order out of chaos. Organize your home and workspace so that you always know exactly where things are. Put things away where they belong and you won't have to go through the stress of losing things.

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26. When feeling stressed, most people tend to breathe in short, shallow breaths. When you breathe like this, stale air is not expelled, oxidation of the tissues is incomplete, and muscle tension frequently results. Check your breathing throughout the day, and before, during, and after high-pressure situations. If you find your stomach muscles are knotted and your breathing is shallow, relax all your muscles and take several deep, slow breaths.

Note how, when you're relaxed, both your abdomen

and chest expand when you breathe.

*

27. Writing your thoughts and feelings down (in a journal, or on paper to be thrown away) can help you clarify things and can give you a renewed perspective.

*

28. Try the following yoga technique whenever you feel the need to relax. Inhale deeply through you nose to the count of eight. Then, with lips puckered, exhale very slowly through your mouth to the count of 16, or for as long as you can. Concentrate on the long sighing sound and feel the tension dissolve. Repeat 10 times.

*

29. Inoculate yourself against a feared event. Example: before speaking in public, take time to go over every part of the experience in your mind. Imagine what you'll wear, what the audience will look like, how you will present your talk, what the questions will be and how you will answer them, etc. Visualize the experience the way you would have it be. You'll likely find that when the time comes to make the actual presentation, it will be "old hat" and much of your anxiety will have fled.

*

30. When the stress of having to get a job done gets in the way

of getting the job done, diversion ? a voluntary change in

activity and/or environment ? may be just what you need.

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31. Talk it out. Discussing your problems with a trusted friend can help

your mind of confusion so you can concentrate on problem solving.

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32. One of the most obvious ways to avoid unnecessary stress is to select an environment (work, home, leisure) which is in line with your personal needs and desires. If you hate desk jobs, don't accept a job which requires that you sit at a desk all day. If you hate to talk politics, don't associate with people who love to talk politics, etc.

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33. Learn to live one day at a time.

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34. Every day, do something you really enjoy.

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35. Add an ounce of love to everything you do.

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36. Take a hot bath or shower (or a cool one in summertime) to relieve tension.

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37. Do something for somebody else.

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38. Focus on understanding rather than on being understood; on loving rather than on being loved.

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39. Do something that will improve your appearance. Looking better can help you feel better.

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40. Schedule a realistic day. Avoid the tendency to schedule back-to-back appointments; allow time between appointments for a breathing spell.

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41. Become more flexible. Some things are worth not doing perfectly and some issues are well to compromise upon.

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42. Eliminate destructive self-talk: "I m too old to?," "I m too fat to?," etc.

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43. Use your weekend time for a change of pace. If you work week is slow and patterned, make sure there is action and time for spontaneity built into your weekends. If your work week is fast-paced and full of people and deadlines, seek peace and solitude during your days off. Feel as if you aren't accomplishing anything at work? Tackle a job on the weekend which you can finish to your satisfaction.

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44. "Worry about the pennies and the dollars will take care of themselves." That's another way of saying: take care of the today's as best you can and the yesterdays and the tomorrows will take care of themselves.

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45. Do one thing at a time. When you are with someone, be with that person and with no one or nothing else. When you are busy with a project, concentrate on doing that project and forget about everything else you have to do.

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46. Allow yourself time ? everyday ? for privacy, quiet, and introspection.

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47. If an especially unpleasant task faces you, do it early in the day and get it over with; then the rest of your day will be free of anxiety.

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48.Learn to delegate responsibility to capable others.

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49. Don't forget to take a lunch break. Try to get away from your desk or work area in body and mind, even if it's just for 15 or 20 minutes.

*

50. Forget about counting to 10. Count to 1,000 before doing

something or saying anything that could make matters worse.

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51. Have a forgiving view of events and people. Accept the fact that we live in an imperfect world.

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52. Have an optimistic view of the world.. Believe that most people are doing the best they can.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Bathtub Test

During a visit to the mental hospital, I asked the Director 'How do you determine whether or not a patient should be admitted to the hospital.'

'Well,' said the Director, 'We fill up a bathtub, and then we give a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him to empty the bathtub.'

'Oh, I understand,' I said. 'A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.'
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'No.' Said the Director, 'A normal person would pull the drain plug.

Well... Would you prefer a bed near the window?'

Monday, September 14, 2009

Ten ways to stop those nonsense calls from irritating you!

1 After the telemarketer finishes speaking, ask him/her to marry you.


2 Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment, and ask him/her, if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back.

3 Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

4 Tell them it is dinnertime, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

5 Tell them that all business goes through your agent, and hand the phone to your five year old child.

6 Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up.... Louder... Louder... Louder!

7 If they start out with, "How are you today?", say "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems.... ........."

8 Tell them to speak very slowly because you want to write every word down.

9 Cry out in surprise, "Helen, is that you? I've been hoping you'd call! How is the family?" When they insist they are not Helen, tell them to stop joking. This works especially well if the telemarketer is really MALE.

10 Tell the one call centre guy to call on your office number - and give him the other call centre number.

How to get to shirdi via hyderabad?

There are two daily trains from Secundrabad / Hyderabad to Manmad:

7058>DEVAGIRI EXP from SECUNDERABAD JN 13:30 to MANMAD JN 01:50

And

7064>MANMAD EXPRESS from SECUNDERABAD JN 17:45
to MANMAD JN 08:10

Devagiri Express also goes vis Nashik Road Station.

So, you may either get down at Nashik Road or at Manmad and by travelling another 30-40 minutes by road, can reach Shirdi without much hassle.

Many tour operators apart from APSRTC run many luxury and Volvo buses too.
-------------------------------------Another Way---------------------------------------------
1. By Road (Public Transport): If neither state (AP / Maharashtra) has direct bus-route, you will need to resort to break journey. There is a bus till Aurangabad from Hyderabad. From Aurangabad, you will have quite a few buses running till Shirdi.

2. By Road: (Private Transport) From Hyderabad, proceed along NH9 till Daund. From Daund, proceed on MH SH 10 till Shirdi. Approximate 600km.

3. By Train: Easiest Option is to proceed till Pune by train from Hyderabad and then take the State Transport run buses from Shivaji Nagar till Shirdi. There are a lot of them.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Bad Boy Birthday!

Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted. "Mom, I want a bike for my birthday." Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker.

He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Bobby, of course, thought he did. Bobby's mother, wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year.
"Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year. Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday." Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.

Letter 1

Dear God,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend, Bobby

Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.

Letter 2

Dear God,
This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you.
Your friend Bobby

Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.

Letter 3

Dear God,
I have been an "OK "boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday.
Bobby

Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter.

Letter 4

God,
I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday. Please!
Thank you,
Bobby

Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike. Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church. Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad. "Just be home in time for dinner," Bobby's mother told him.

Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner. Little Bobby went into the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary. He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Bobby began to write his letter to God.

Letter 5

God,
I've kidnapped your mama. If you want to see her again, send the bike!!

Most damaging Food !!!!

A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all of us eat it. Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I'm referring to? You, sir, in the first row, please give us your idea."

The man lowered his head and said, "Wedding cake.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

16 Famous Sayings by Chanakya!!

1) 'Learn from the mistakes of others... you can't live long enough tomake them all yourselves!!'
2)'A person should not be too honest. Straight trees are cut first andHonest people are screwed first.'
3)'Even if a snake is not poisonous, it should pretend to be venomous.'
4)'The biggest guru-mantra is: Never share your secrets with anybody. Itwill destroy you.'
5)'There is some self-interest behind every friendship. There is nofriendship without self-interests. This is a bitter truth.'
6)' Before you start some work, always ask yourself three questions - Whyam I doing it, What the results might be and Will I be successful. Only when youthink deeply and find satisfactory answers to these questions, go ahead.'
7)'As soon as the fear approaches near, attack and destroy it.'
8)'The world's biggest power is the youth and beauty of a woman.'
9)'Once you start a working on something, don't be afraid of failureand don't abandon it. People who work sincerely are the happiest.'
10)'The fragrance of flowers spreads only in the direction of the wind. Butthe goodness of a person spreads in all direction.'
11)'God is not present in idols. Your feelings are your god. The soul isyour temple.'
12) 'A man is great by deeds, not by birth.'
13) 'Never make friends with people who are above or below you in status.Such friendships will never give you any happiness.'
14) 'Treat your kid like a darling for the first five years. For the nextfive years, scold them. By the time they turn sixteen, treat them like a friend.Your grown up children are your best friends.'
15) 'Books are as useful to a stupid person as a mirror is useful to ablind person.'
16) 'Education is the best friend. An educated person is respectedeverywhere. Education beats the beauty and the youth.'

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Problems always seem bigger in the dark!!

A farmer came into town and asked the owner of a
restaurant if he could use a million frog legs. The
restaurant owner was shocked and asked the man where
he could get so many frog legs! The farmer replied,
"There is a pond near my house that is full of
frogs--millions of them. They croak all during the
night and are about to drive me crazy!"

So the restaurant owner and the farmer made an
agreement that the farmer would deliver frogs to the
restaurant five hundred at a time for the next several
weeks. The first week, the farmer returned to the
restaurant looking rather sheepish, with two scrawny
little frogs. The restaurant owner said, "Well...where
are all the frogs?" The farmer said, "I was mistaken.

There were only these two frogs in the pond. But they
sure were making a lot of noise!" Next time you hear
somebody criticizing or making fun of you, remember
it's probably just a couple of noisy frogs.

Also--remember that problems always seem bigger in the
dark. Have you ever lain in your bed at night worrying
about things which seem almost overwhelming--like a
million frogs croaking?

Chances are pretty good that when the morning comes,
and you take a closer look, you'll wonder what all the
fuss was about . . .

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Kanjoos Makkhi Choos!!!!!!! Jokes

Kanjoos: Yeh kaila(banana) kaisay diya?
Shopkeeper: 1Rs.
Kanjoos: 60 Paisa ka deta hai?
S.K: 60 paise mein to sirf chilka milega.
Kanjoos:Ley 40 paisay, chilka rakh aur kela day de
**************************************************************
A Kanjoos on his death time.
My wife, where r u ?
Wife:Yes, I’m here
My sons & daughters ru all here?
Yes, Papa
Kanjoos:To phir brabar wale kamre
ka pankha Q khula hay Huh
**********************************************************
1 Kanjoos 14th floor se neche gira
Girte waqt usne
apni ghar ki khirki me
apni wife ko roti pakate hue dekha
to chilla k bola
MERI ROTI NAHI PAKANA!
***************************************************************
Kanjoos ne arbi ko khoon dey k uski jaan bachai.
Arbi ne usay MERCEDES gift kardi.
Arbi ko phir khoon ki zarorut pari,
Kanjoos ne phir khoon dia.
Ab k bar Arbi ne till waly laddu gift kiye,
Kanjoos:Ghusse se, mercedez kion nahi di?
Arbi:Munna…!!
Ab hamarey ander bhi Kanjoos ka khoon dor raha hay
************************************************************************************
A Kanjoos called a newspaper office and asked: Mera Baap Mar gaya hai, kya charges hongay?
NewsPaper: Rs.50 per word.
Kanjoos: Oh bohat ziyada hain, Acha likho "Sohan Bhai Died".
Newspaper: Sir! It should be minimum 6 words!
Kanjoos: Oh ho! Jara sochnay do..... Acha likho....... ......... .
Ghafoor Bhai Died - Suzuki for Sale .
************************************************************************************
Kanjoos ask to Taxi Driver: Abdullah Shah Ghazi k mazaar jao gay?
Taxi Driver: Han jaon ga.
Kanjoos ne jaib se shopper nikala or kaha:
Wapsi main langar ki biryani lete aana.
***********************************************************************
Shadi me 1 Kanjoos bahut der tk khata raha,
Kse ne pocha bhae kb tk khaty rhogy?
Kanjoos: Yaar me khud kah kha k thak gya hun pr kya kron card me lkha tha "Dinner 7 to 10pm
**********************************************************************************

Kanjoos to dukandar: Yaar zara toothbrush dena mere brush ka 1 baal toot gaya hai
Dukandar: 1 baal toota to naya q lerahe ho
Kanjoos: jo toota hai woh akhri tha.
**********************************************************************************
EIK KANJOOS KHALI KATOREY MAIN
ROTI DABA KAR KHA RAHA THA
WAITER NE DEKA TU POUCHA
AP YAH KIA KAR RAHEY HIAN
KANJOOS NE JAWAB DIYA
MAIN MATHS KA TEACHER HOON OR DALL
SUPPOSE KAR KAY KHARAHA HOON
******************************************************************
Titanic K Sath Kanjoos Bhi Doob Raha Tha
Aur Hans Bhi Raha Tha
Dost:
Oye Hans Kyun Raha Hai?
Kanjoos:
Shukar Hai Main Ne Return Ticket Nahi Khareeda

Sunday, March 15, 2009

External Affair!!!! --- Jokes

The 1st Affair:

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.

One day they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.

The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.

He put on his shoes and drove home.

"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.

"I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon."

"You lying bastard!

You've been playing golf!"


The 2nd Affair:

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.

They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.

He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?"

The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time!"


The 3th Affair:

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.

"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."

She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.

"Don't move until I tell you," she said. "Pretend you're a statue."

"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.

"Oh it's a statue." she replied. "The Smith's bought one and I liked it so much I got one for us, too."

No more was said, not even when they went to bed.

Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.

"Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing."

The 4th Affair:

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.

"Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent."

"One Cent?" the man thought.

He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"

"A nickel," the barman replied.

"A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"

The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."

The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"

The bartender replied,

"The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."


The 5th Affair:

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly, "I have something I must confess."

"There's no need to," his wife replied.

"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"

"I know, I know," she replied. "Now just rest and let the poison work."

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Weekend Jokes!!

Koun gadha ?

Ek baar sardar ji kahain jaa rahe tahe k ek diwar par padha "padhne wala gadha"

Sardar ko bohat ghussa aya, unhon ne mita kar likh diya! "likhne wala gadha"
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ...


bHAO Bhao :P

Train mai ek husband apni wife say: "tujh say shadi kar k pachta raha hoon."

"dil karta hai tujhe kutttay k aagay daal doon"

Samnay wala passenger bola: "bhao bhao"
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ...

999 Kaun hain?

Wife mere iraday baray neek hain, aap 1000 mai ek hain.

Sardar: mera dimag bara taiz hai, pehlay ye bata baki 999 kon hai?
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ...

Height Of Stupidity

Sardar looked himself in mirror and said:
Is ko kahain dekha hai. Then he said:

Oye yaad aya, ye to woh he kamina hai jo
Shaadi ki album main meri biwi k saath hai :p
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Friday, March 6, 2009

Rang bhare Holi SMS Collection!!!

Saade rang ko galti se aap naa kora samjho,
Isi mey samaaye indradhanushi saaton rang,
Jo dikhe aapko zindagi saadagi bhari kisi ki,
To aap yun samjho satrangi hai duniya usiki,
Holi aayi satrangi rango ki bouchar laayi,
Dher saari mithai aur mitha mitha pyar laayi,
Aap ki zindagi ho mithe pyar aur khusiyon se bhari,
Jisme samaaye saaton rang yahi shubhkamna hai hamaari.
*************************************************************
Lal, gulabi, neela, pila hathon me liya samet,
Holi ke din rangenge sajni, kar ke meethi bhent.
*************************************************************
Pichkari ki Dhar,
Gulal ki bauchar,
Apno ka pyar,
Yahi hai yaaron holi ka tyohar.
Happy Holi!!!!
**********************************************************
Rangon se bhi rangeen zindagi hai humari, rangeeli rahe yeh bandagi hai humari,
kabhi na bigde ye pyar ki rangoli, aye mere yaar aisi HAPPY HOLI.
***************************************************************
Gul ne gulshan se gulfam bheja hai,
Sitaro ne aasman se salaam bheja hai,
Mubaraq ho aapko holi ka tyohar,
Humne dil se yeh paigam bheja hai.
**************************************************************
Rango ke tyohar mein sabhi rango ki ho bharmar,
Dher saari khushiyon se bhara ho aapka sansar,
Yahi dua hai bhagwan se hamari har bar,
Holi Mubarak ho mere yaar!
**************************************************************
Khaa key gujiya, pee key bhaang, laaga ke thoda thoda sa rang,
baja ke dholak aur mridang, khele holi hum tere sang.
Holi Mubarak!
**************************************************************
Rango mein ghuli ladki kya laal gulabi hai
Jo dekhta hai kehta hai kya maal gulabi hai
Pichle baras tune jo bhigoya tha holi mein
Ab tak nishani ka woh rumaal gulabi hai.
****************************************************************
Chadenge jab pyare rang, ek meri dosti ka rang bhi chadhana.
Lagne lagenge tumhe suhane sare rang,
Aur meri dosti ka rang chamkega hurdum tumhare sang.
Bolo sarararara....
Wish you a very mastiful and colourful Happy Holi!
*************************************************************
Apun wishing you a wonderful,
Super-duper,
Zabardast,
Xtra-badhiya,
Xtra special,
Ekdum mast and dhinchak,
Bole to ekdum jhakaas
“Happy Holi”.

***************************************************************
Funny Holi SMS
Me ja ja jovu hu,
Mane tharo chahero dikhto hai,
Ii thaaro kusur nathi,
Salo sab chahero aaj rangeelo hai,
Holi Mubarak!
********************************************************************
Aapne dil ka haal batana chod diya,
humne bhi gehrai mein jaana chod diya.
Holi se pehle hi aapne nahana chod diya?
**************************************************************
Rang barse bhige chunar wali,
rang barse o rang barse bhige chunar wali..rang barse,
are rang barse bhige chunar wali..re!
Ab ghar jao nahi to jukham lag jayega.
*******************************************************************
English Holi SMS
Dipped in hues of love and trust has come the festival of Holi.
Happy Holi!!
*******************************************************************
Bright colors, water balloons, lavish gujiyas and melodious songs are
the ingredients of perfect Holi. Wish you a very happy and wonderful Holi.
*********************************************************************
May God gift you all the colors of life, colors of joy,
colors of happiness, colors of friendship, colors of love and
all other colors you want to paint in your life. Happy Holi.
******************************************************************
If wishes come in rainbow colors then I would send the brightest one to say Happy Holi.
*******************************************************************************
A true and caring relation doesn't have to speak loud, a soft sms is just enough to express the heartiest feelings. Enjoy the festival of Holi with lot of fun.
*********************************************************************************
Best wishes to you for a Holi filled with sweet moments and memories to cherish for long.
Happy Holi!
******************************************************************************
Rango mein ghuli ladki kya laal gulabi hai,
Jo dekhta hai kehta hai kya maal gulabi hai,
Pichle baras tune jo bhigoya tha holi mein,
Ab tak nishani ka woh rumaal gulabi hai
*****************************************************************************
Makki ki Roti, Nimbu ka Aachar,
Suraj Ki Kirne, Khushiyo ki Bahar,
Chand Ki Chandi, Apno ka Pyar,
Mubarak Ho Aapko, HOLI ka Tyohar
*******************************************************************************
Har rang aap pe barse,
Har koi apse Holi khelne ko tarse;
Rang de aapko sab itna,
Ki aap rang chhudane ko tarse.
*******************************************************************************
Holi Ka Gulal Ho,
Rango Ki Bahar Ho,
Gujhia Ki Mithas Ho,
Ek Baat Khas Ho,
Sab Ke Dil Main Pyar Ho,
Yahi Apna Tyohaar Ho,
Wish U Happy Holi!

Friday, February 6, 2009

Classic Interview

Officer : What Is Your Name?

Candidate : M P. Sir

Officer : Tell Me Properly

Candidate : Mohan Pal Sir

Officer : Your Father's Name?

Candidate : M P. Sir

Officer : What Does That Mean?

Candidate : Manmohan Pal Sir

Officer : Your Native Place

Candidate : M P. Sir

Officer : Is It Madhya Pradesh?

Candidate : No, Munnur Pal Sir

Officer : What Is Your Qualification?

Candidate : M P. Sir

Officer : (Angrily) What Is It?

Candidate : Metric Pass

Officer : Why Do You Need A Job?

Candidate : M P. Sir

Officer : And What Does That Mean?

Candidate : Money Problem Sir

Officer : Describe Your Personality

Candidate : M P. Sir

Officer : Explain Yourself Clearly

Candidate : Magnanimous Personality Sir

Officer : This Discussion Is Nowhere, You May Go Now

Candidate : M P. Sir

Officer : What Is It Now

Candidate : My Performance....?

Officer : Mp!!

Candidate : What Is That Sir?

Officer : Mentally Puncture

Monday, January 19, 2009

"Want To" - Nice Inspirational Story

I remember the night in Miami when our son, Ian, was just five years old. We were staying with relatives and it was his bedtime. When I looked at the living room floor, I knew we had a problem. Toys were all over the place. "Ian," I said, "you need to pick up all those toys before you go to bed."

"Daddy," he said, "I'm too tired to pick up my toys."

My immediate inclination was to force him to clean up the room. Instead, I went into the bedroom, laid down, and said, "Ian, come here. Let's play Humpty Dumpty."

He climbed up on my knees and I said, "Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall." And he fell. Ian laughed and said, "Let's do it again." Well, after the third "fall," I said, "Okay, but first go pick up those toys."
Without thinking, he ran into the living room and in ninety seconds he finished a job that could have taken half an hour.

Then he jumped back on my knees and repeated, "Daddy, let's do it again."
"Ian, I thought you were too tired to pick up those toys." He answered, "I was, daddy, but I just wanted to do this!"
We can finish any job when we have the "Want to!"

Have you created the "Want to" in your life? If you haven't what are you waiting for? There's a thin line between "Phenomenal Success" & "Just Made It".

That line is your "Want to".

Sunday, January 11, 2009

9 WORDS WOMEN USE!!

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t do it!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’ … that will bring on a ‘whatever’).

(8)Whatever: Is a women’s way of saying Scr#w YOU!

(9) Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to #3

Thursday, January 8, 2009

10 Basic Tips to Save Electricity at Home

1)Sleep your computer when you’re not using it.
2)Wash laundry in cold water instead of hot or warm while using Washing Machine.
3)Be sure to turn off lights when you leave a room.
4)Turn off machines when you leave a room (examples include TV’s,TV computers, radios, stereos, video games, VCR’s, and DVD players).
5)Keep doors and windows closed when heat or air conditioning is on.
6)Replace regular light bulbs with compact fluorescents bulbs.
7)Make sure Fridge is out of direct sunlight and not close to the oven. It is best to keep it against an outside wall so that the heat it generates can escape easily, and always make sure that there is a few inches space all around the fridge so that air can circulate.Never put warm or hot food into the fridge.
8)Try and prepare several food dishes in the oven together.
9)Always wash full loads of clothing rather than smaller ones. Try and use cold water for washing and rinsing the clothes.
10)Use laptop instead of a desktop, if practical. It consumes five times less electricity.

Happy Saving!!

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Furniture Dealer In Paris

A Pathan furniture dealer decided that he wanted to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find. After arriving in Paris (this being his first trip ever to the French capital), he met with some manufacturers and finally selected a new range of furniture that he thought would sell well back home in India.
To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a pub and have a glass of wine.
As he sat down enjoying his wine, soon enough, a very beautiful attractive young lady came to his table, asked him something in French (which he did not understand), and motioned towards the chair.
He invited her to sit down. He tried to speak to her in Hindi, Urdu & English, but she did not speak or know any of these languages. So, after a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her. She nodded, and he ordered a glass of wine for her.
After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded.
They left the pub and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music. They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up.
Then, after they were back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a bed. Would you believe...
Till this day, the Pathan has no idea how she figured out that he was in the furniture business!!!!!

Friday, January 2, 2009

Lets start new year with a dose of Laughter!!!

Doctor: Ab aapki tabiyat kaisi hai ?

Patient: Doctor saheb.. Pahle se jyada kharab ho gayi hai.

Doctor: dawai khali thi kya ?

Patient : Nahi doctor saheb. Dawai ki shishi to bhari hui thi.

Doctor: Arey... mere kahne ka matlab hai ki, dawai le li thi kya.

Patient: Ji, aapne dawai de di thi aur Maine le li thi.

Doctor: Abe, dawai pili thi kya ?

Patient: Oho, nahi doctor saheb dawai to laal thi.

Doctor: Abe GADHE, Dawai KO piliya tha kya ?

Patient : Nahi. Doctor, Piliya to mujhe tha.

Doctor: Abe Teri to, Dawai KO muh lagakar Pet me dala tha k nahi ?

Patient: Nahi doctor saheb.

Doctor: Kyon ?

Patient: Kyonki dhakkan band tha.

Doctor: Teri to sale, to Khola kyon nahi.

Patient: Saheb, aapne hi to kaha tha ki, shishi ka dhakkan band rakhna.

Doctor: Tera ilaaz main nahi kar sakta !

Patient: Accha Doctor saheb ye to bata do ki main thik kaise hounga

Doctor : Abe teri …....
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Naukarani Ne Sushila Se Kaha, Memsahab Gajab Ho Gaya.
Pados Ki Teen Auraten Aap Ki Saas Ko Peet Rahi Hain.

Sushila Naukarani Ke Sath Balakani Se Aayi Aur Chupchap
Tamasha Dekhane Lagi.Naukarani Ne Pucha, Aap Madad
Karane Nahi Jayengi ?

Sushila - Nahi Teen Hi Kaafi Hain.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
once there was an accident where the car driver hit the parrot.
The parrot faints, so the driver takes the parrot to his home ,
gives first aid to it and then puts it in a cage with some food .
When the parrot wakes up . in a shock it tells
"aila!! jail!!!!!! gadi wala mar gaya kya????"


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Jinn: Hukam aaka ?
Man: Ghar se dubai tak road banani hai
Jinn: Mushkil hai aur koi kaam bataiye
Man: Meri biwi ko aagyakari aur samajhdar bana do.
Jinn: Road single banani hai ya dabule.....

********************************************************************
Wife: Ji apko mujhme kya achha lagta hai meri samajhdari ya meri beauty..

Husband: Mujhe to ye tumhari Majak karne ki aadat bahut achchhi lagti hai..

__________________________________________________________________
Police ne raat ke 1 baje sharab ke nashe mein

tunn ek aadmi ko pakad kar puchha..

Raat ke ek baje tum Kahan ja rahe ho..?

Aadmi - Main sharab peene ke dush parinaam

per lecture sunne ja raha hun...

Police - Itni raat mein tumhe kaun lecture dega..?

Aadmi - Mere biwi.....

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