Funny Comments on Life..........

True love is like a pillow
u can hug when u r in trouble
u can cry on when u r in pain & u can embrace when u r happy
so when u need true love
spend Rs.50/-Buy a pillow
****************************************************************************************
Marriages are made in heaven
then what are made in Hell?
Ans : the days after marriage
****************************************************************************************
During Marriage ceremony why is the bridegroom made to sit on the horse ?
He is given his last chance to run away.
****************************************************************************************
I wrote ur name on the sand ................
it got washed away,
I wrote ur name in air...........................
it got blown away,
So i wrote ur name in my heart..............
I got a HEART ATTACK
****************************************************************************************
LOVE is like a CIGAR
It starts with a fire..... continues with smoke......and ends in ashes...
But dont worry - we are chain smokers
****************************************************************************************
ur smile can be compared to a flower
ur voice can be compared to a cuckoo
ur inocence to a child
but in stupidity
u have no comparison
u r the best
****************************************************************************************
Dear Friend,
when i ask u flower,
u give me bouquet
when i ask u a stone
u give me a statue
when i ask u a feather
u give me peacock
ARE U REALLY DEAF ?
****************************************************************************************
I had VODKA with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had WHISKY with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had RUM with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I SWEAR I'LL NEVER DRINK water....!!!
****************************************************************************************
when i call u;
1 ring means i'm thinking of u;
2 ring means i like u;
3 means i miss u;
4 means ...........pick d phone idiot
****************************************************************************************
Teacher : four beautiful ladies are walking on the road. change it to exclamatory sentence .
Student : WOW !
****************************************************************************************
The human brain is a most outstanding thing.......
it functions 24hrs 365 days.....
it functions right from the time you are Born....
until you fall in love
****************************************************************************************
SMILE - is a language of love
SMILE - is a source to win hearts...
SMILE - creates greatness in your personality
SO....
Brush ur Teeth today onwards
****************************************************************************************
A cigarette shortens your life by 2 min..
A beer shortens your life by 4 min..
A working day shortens your life by 8 hours!!!!..
****************************************************************************************

The Art of Appraisal !!

Big Boss: This year your performance was good, excellent and outstanding. So, your rating is "average".
Kumar: What? How come 'average'?
Big Boss: Because...err...uhh...you lack domain knowledge.
Kumar: But last year you said I am a domain expert and you put me in this project as a domain consultant.
Big Boss: Oh is it? Well, in that case, I think your domain knowledge has eroded this year. Kumar: What???
Big Boss: Yes, I didn't see you sharing knowledge on Purchasing domain.
Kumar: Why would I? Because I am not in Purchasing, I am in Manufacturing.
Big Boss: This is what I don't like about you. You give excuse for everything.
Kumar: Huh? *Confused* Big Boss: Next, you need to improve your communication skills. Kumar: Like what? I am the one who trained the team on "Business Communication", you sat in the audience and took notes, you remember?
Big Boss: Oh is it? Errr...well..I mean, you need to improve your Social Pragmatic Affirmative Communication.
Kumar: Huh? What the hell is that? *Confused*
Big Boss: See! That's why you need to learn about it.
Kumar: *head spinning*
Big Boss: Next, you need to sharpen your recruiting skills. All the guys you recruited left within 2 months.
Kumar: Well, not my mistake. You told them you will sit beside them and review their code, and most resigned the next day itself. Couple of them even attempted suicide.
Big Boss:*stunned* (recovers from shock) Err...anyway, I tried to give you a better rating, but our Normalization process gave you only 'average'.
Kumar: Last year that process gave me 'excellent'. This year just 'average'? Why is this process pushing me up and down every year?
Big Boss: That's a complicated process. You don't want to hear.
Kumar: I'll try to understand. Go ahead.
Big Boss: Well, we gather in a large room, write down the names of sub-ordinates in bits of paper, and throw them up in the air. Whichever lands on the floor gets 'average', whichever lands on table gets 'good', whichever we manage to catch gets 'excellent' and whichever gets stuck to ceiling gets 'outstanding'.
Kumar: (eyes popping out) What? Ridiculous! So who gets 'poor' rating?
Big Boss: Those are the ones we forget to write down.
Kumar: What the hell! And how can paper bits stick to ceiling for 'outstanding'?
Big Boss: Oh no, now you have started questioning our 20 year old organizational process! Kumar: *faints

Mast Joke!!!

Ek Sharabi full tight hokar ghar jaa raha tha. Raaste me mandir ke baahar pujari dikha.

Sharabi n pujari se poocha, sabse bada kaun?
Pujaari ne peecha chudane ke liye kaha "Mandir Bada".

Sharabi bola "Mandir bada toh dharti pe kaise khada"
Pujari: "Dharti badi"

Sharabi: "Dharti badi toh Sheshnaag pe kyun khadi"
Pujari" "Sheshnaag bada"

Sharabi: "Sheshnaag bada toh Shiv ke gale me kyon pada"
Pujari: "Shiv bada"

Sharabi: "Shiv bada toh Parbat par kyon khada"
Pujari: "Parbat bada"

Sharabi: "Parbat bada toh Hanuman ki ungli pe kyon pada"
Pujari: "Hanuman bada"

Sharabi: "Hanuman bada toh Ram ki charno me kyon pada"
Pujari: "Ram bada"

Sharabi: "Ram bada toh Ravan ke piche kyun pada"
Pujari: "arey mere baap tu bata kaun bada"

Sharabi: "Is duniya me woh bada jo puri batli (bottle) pee ke apni taango pe khada"
--

Ultimate joke of the day!

Did you know this ? .. wow......

1 MOPED is the short term for 'Motorized Pedaling'.

2. POP MUSIC is 'Popular Music' shortened.
3. BUS is the short term for 'Omnibus' that means everybody.
4. FORTNIGHT comes from 'Fourteen Nights' (Two Weeks).
5. DRAWING ROOM was actually a 'withdrawing room' where people withdrew after Dinner. Later the prefix 'with' was dropped..
6. NEWS refers to information from Four directions N, E, W and S..
7. AG-MARK, which some products bear, stems from 'Agricultural Marketing'.
8. JOURNAL is a diary that tells about 'Journey for a day' during each Day's business.
9. QUEUE comes from 'Queen's Quest'. Long back a long row of people as waiting to see the Queen. Someone made the comment Queen's Quest..
10. TIPS come from 'To Insure Prompt Service'. In olden days to get Prompt service from servants in an inn, travelers used to drop coins in a Box on which was written 'To Insure Prompt Service'. This gave rise to the custom of Tips.
11. JEEP is a vehicle with unique Gear system. It was invented during World War II (1939-1945). It was named 'General Purpose Vehicle (GP)'.GP was changed into JEEP later.
12. Coca-Cola was originally green.
13. The most common name in the world is Mohammed..
14. The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.
15. The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
16. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row ! of the keyboard.
17. Women blink nearly twice as much as men!!
18. You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.
19. It is impossible to lick your elbow.
20.. People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you sneeze, your heart stops for a millisecond.
21. It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.
22. The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.
23. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history.
>> Spades - King David >> Clubs - Alexander the Great, >> Hearts - Charlemagne >> Diamonds - Julius Caesar.
24. Horse Statue in a Park… >> If a statue of a person in the park on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. >> If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle >> If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
25. What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers all have in common? Ans. - All invented by women.
26. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
27. A snail can sleep for three years.
28. All polar bears are left handed.
29. Butterflies taste with their feet.
30. Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
31. In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
32. On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.
33. Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'.
34. Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.
35. The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
36. The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
37. The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
38. Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over million descendants.
39. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
40. If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.
41. The cigarette lighter was invented before the matchbox.
42. Most lipstick contains fish scales.